Learn 5 Surprising Steps to move on and feel really good about yourself
The Gift of Jealousy
You’re meant to be happy for them (and you are) but you can’t help feeling jealous of other’s success.
When we spot we are jealous often the first response is to tell ourselves that we’re not and list all the reasons why that’s not the case. “I know I’ve got lots to be grateful for”, “I really am happy for them”, “It’s not in my nature to be jealous”, “I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for………. (blame someone or something else).
Jealousy is comparing ourselves to others on steroids. We think that we’re not supposed to do this therefore we can feel bad or ashamed for doing it. DON’T in fact embrace it – it’s there to give you lots of learning opportunities.
Observe & Get Curious (this stops the shame or embarrassment)
The first step is to acknowledge it – observe it, be curious about it – it’s about to give you a whole lot of learnings if you are open to it. As strange as it sounds you can begin to get a teensy bit excited something positive is on it’s way for you.
By doing this you’ve just saved yourself hours of beating yourself up. Congratulations you are being very efficient with your time.
A tip on observing is asking yourself the question…
When I feel jealous where do I notice it most in my body? How would I describe that feeling?
A tip of how to be curious is to ask yourself the question….
What is this really about? What learnings are here for me?
The trick here is rather than racking your brains about it, relax and let your mind pop up with the answers. It’s often when you’re not thinking about it that the answers come.
Ask How is Jealousy Benefiting Me? (and it will be)
Now most people would say I know it’s not helping at all but this simply isn’t true. Everything that we do is in some way meeting a need.
Is it in some way attempting to motivate you?
Is it protecting you?
When we have thoughts like “They are so lucky, I’m unlucky” or “It’s not fair” in a way it means we don’t need to do anything because we’ll never get what we need. This stops us putting in the effort, it can save us from disappointment and keeps us safe in our comfort zone.
These questions start getting us closer to what’s really going on. Closer to ‘nailing the lesson’ and move on.
Get Dreaming (you had lack of clarity)
One of the hardest and most frustrating aspects of jealousy is not being clear about what you really want. Even though you can look at others and want what they have most of us don’t want to be anyone else. What we are really after is being comfortable within ourselves and doing what we want. The jealous feeling is a reminder to get clarity of what you really want and go for it!
Here is a way to gain more clarity on what’s really important to you.
Imagine you received $100 million dollars
What are you doing? How are you spending your time? What do you spend your money on initially?
If you had what you the person you are jealous of has how would you feel?
Would it be proud, loved, important, satisfied, respected? Write down what it is (this is what you can begin focus on bringing about)
Imagine you had a wand to wave away 3 of your biggest self doubts you’ve ever had.
Better still check out this recording to help you gain the clarity.
Letting the Limits Go
It’s nothing to do with the other person’s success. They are just triggering a reminder to ourselves that we have limiting beliefs holding us back.
Ask yourself what thoughts are holding you back from gaining your dream. There’s likely to be many so just pick a couple that seem to be having the biggest impact at the moment.
For example: “I won’t be good at it”, “It will be too hard”, “I’ll make a mistake”, “I won’t know what to say”, “I don’t have enough time”
Write down your limiting thought.
Now imagine it’s impossible to have that limiting thought. It simply cannot exist within you.
What do you notice?
What do you see happening? How do you feel? What are you saying to yourself or to others? What are you doing?
In order to experience all those positive feelings like satisfaction, connection, love, proud you do need to be taking action. It doesn’t have to be grand, massive, ground-breaking ones. Take the mini steps and tell yourself how pleased you are taking action. Observe how good it feels when you are taking action. You know how you felt when you were feeling jealous. Now take the time to observe and enjoy those positive feelings. These are what you were aiming for in the first place.
In summary when you are feeling jealous congratulations you are a human not a robot. You can stay stuck and beat yourself up on get on with taking the learnings and feeling good!