The Gift of Jealousy
You’re meant to be happy for them (and you are) but you can’t help feeling jealous of other’s success.When we spot we are jealous often the first response is to tell ourselves that we’re not and list all the reasons why that’s not the case. “I know I’ve got lots to be grateful for”, “I really am happy for them”, “It’s not in my nature to be jealous”, “I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for………. (blame someone or something else).Jealousy is comparing ourselves to others on steroids. We think that we’re not supposed to do this therefore we can feel bad or ashamed for doing it. DON’T in fact embrace it – it’s there to give you lots of learning opportunities.Observe & Get Curious (this stops the shame or embarrassment) The first step is to acknowledge it – observe it, be curious about it – it’s about to give you a whole lot of learnings if you are open to it. As strange as it sounds you can begin to get a teensy bit excited something positive is on it’s way for you.By doing this you’ve just saved yourself hours of beating yourself up. Congratulations you are being very efficient with your time.A tip on observing is asking yourself the question…When I feel jealous where do I notice it most in my body? How would I describe that feeling?A tip of how to be curious is to ask yourself the question….What is this really about? What learnings are here for me?The trick here is rather than racking your brains about it, relax and let your mind pop up with the answers. It’s often when you’re not thinking about it that the answers come. Ask How is Jealousy Benefiting Me? (and it will be)Now most people would say I know it’s not helping at all but this simply isn’t true. Everything that we do is in some way meeting a need.Is it in some way attempting to motivate you?Is it protecting you?When we have thoughts like “They are so lucky, I’m unlucky” or “It’s not fair” in a way it means we don’t need to do anything because we’ll never get what we need. This stops us putting in the effort, it can save us from disappointment and keeps us safe in our comfort zone.These questions start getting us closer to what’s really going on. Closer to ‘nailing the lesson’ and move on. Get Dreaming (you had lack of clarity)One of the hardest and most frustrating aspects of jealousy is not being clear about what you really want. Even though you can look at others and want what they have most of us don’t want to be anyone else. What we are really after is being comfortable within ourselves and doing what we want. The jealous feeling is a reminder to get clarity of what you really want and go for it!Here is a way to gain more clarity on what’s really important to you.Imagine you received $100 million dollarsWhat are you doing? How are you spending your time? What do you spend your money on initially? If you had what you the person you are jealous of has how would you feel?Would it be proud, loved, important, satisfied, respected? Write down what it is (this is what you can begin focus on bringing about)Imagine you had a wand to wave away 3 of your biggest self doubts you’ve ever had. Better still check out this recording to help you gain the clarity. Letting the Limits GoIt’s nothing to do with the other person’s success. They are just triggering a reminder to ourselves that we have limiting beliefs holding us back.Ask yourself what thoughts are holding you back from gaining your dream. There’s likely to be many so just pick a couple that seem to be having the biggest impact at the moment.For example: “I won’t be good at it”, “It will be too hard”, “I’ll make a mistake”, “I won’t know what to say”, “I don’t have enough time”Write down your limiting thought.Now imagine it’s impossible to have that limiting thought. It simply cannot exist within you. What do you notice?What do you see happening? How do you feel? What are you saying to yourself or to others? What are you doing? Action time In order to experience all those positive feelings like satisfaction, connection, love, proud you do need to be taking action. It doesn’t have to be grand, massive, ground-breaking ones. Take the mini steps and tell yourself how pleased you are taking action. Observe how good it feels when you are taking action. You know how you felt when you were feeling jealous. Now take the time to observe and enjoy those positive feelings. These are what you were aiming for in the first place.In summary when you are feeling jealous congratulations you are a human not a robot. You can stay stuck and beat yourself up on get on with taking the learnings and feeling good!
Stop Feeding the Diet Peddlers,
Feed Your Body What it Wants, and Watch the Kilos Fall OffWe’ve all seen those “amazing results!” ads on tv that show women’s miserable before photos and oh so joyous after photos. If you manage to freeze your screen in time, you’ll see a sentence at the bottom of the screen. This sentence will be in teeny, tiny, writing and it will say something like “results not typical, results may differ.” That’s them covering their butts. There are many things that contribute to that weight loss that they don’t show you on those ads. Here are just a few of our personal favourites: · Spending all your Sunday planning next week’s meals so that you don’t get caught without a healthy snack in your handbag and decide to buy a chocolate bar instead· Starving yourself all week because you’re going out to a family dinner on Saturday night and you want to be seen to be eating like everyone else.· Concentrating on anything and everything, all day so that you don't think about the fact that you’re starving.· Deciding what you’re allowed to have for dinner that isn’t watery soup, a protein shake, or a salad consisting mostly of lettuceDiets make you think about food. All day, every day. You’re constantly thinking about or trying not to think about, food.And where does that get you?If you’re a normal human being? It usually gets you down the chocolate aisle of your local supermarket. Or down to the dairy for a quick snack, or the local takeaway, depending on what your particular vice is.Wouldn’t you love to be able to lose weight without constantly thinking about what you should eat? The Willpower Wheel and How to Lose WeightYou’ve been told by at least one person (probably a skinny person) in your lifetime, that it’s all about willpower. You just decide to eat healthy foods and the weight will drop off. Yeah, right. Or “All you have to do is eat less and exercise more.” Yup. Okay. If it was actually that simple, no-one in the world would be overweight. No-one. Not one body.Instead, according to a New Zealand Health Survey in 2016/17, one in every third person, over the age of 15 is obese. That’s 32% of kiwis. And that’s just obese. Another 34% are overweight. You can’t tell us that 66% of Kiwis have no willpower. Or don’t know that eating less and exercising more will help you lose weight. I’m afraid that just simply doesn’t make sense. There has to be more to it than that. And there is.How the Willpower Approach Has Kept You Overweight…Then Thin…Then Overweight Again (Repeat as Needed)Willpower demands that you live your life to a set of instructions that someone else has told you are good for you. Would you let someone tell you what music you should like? What books you should enjoy? What height you should grow to? Nope. Well…not if you’re past your teenage years, anyway. And yet, over and over again, we try to stick to dietary restrictions that someone else has made for us. And we beat ourselves up if we fail to stick to that diet. Even if we manage to stick to the diet, lose weight, and hit that magic number on the scales, we then have to spend the rest of our days sticking to another diet so that we don’t put it back on! Enough already. Kick the Diet to the Curb and Let Your Own Mind and Body Take Control Stay with us here, this is not the woo-woo solution you’ve already tried. This is not the mix twelve herbs together in a teapot and drink while burning 3 different essential oils and sitting in the lotus position. Although, if that works for you, we won’t tell you not to do it. In fact, at Healthy Minds, Healthy Bodies, we don’t tell you to do anything. Instead, we help you to remember how to listen to your own body. We help you get your thoughts about food back to a place where it’s not so scary. And the weight starts to drop, without overthinking it. Now, let’s look closely at how to do that. The Reason Every Overweight Person is OverweightYou didn’t gain weight because you have no willpower. You gained weight because, at some stage, you and your body decided it was a good idea. That extra weight you’re carrying once had a purpose, a reason for being there. The problem is, we don’t always know what that reason was. And if we do know the reason, we don’t always know how to re-program our brains to tell our bodies that the weight isn’t needed anymore. But it can be done. It’s easier than you think. The success our clients achieve, shows us over and over again, that successful weight reduction is a matter of mindset. You’ll notice we didn’t say mind over matter. That’s because it isn’t mind over matter. It’s about our minds being in cahoots with our bodies instead of working against them. Much of our thinking and habits around food are developed as a child. Sometimes these habits revolve around pleasing our parents or satisfying a desire for instant gratification. As an adult, we can look at the root of these habits in order to see which ones we’ve outgrown and find solutions that better meet our needs as adults. It’s about using your incredibly powerful (it is, you know) mind to bring about the changes in your body, that will have you living the life you crave.Don’t Believe Us? Fabulous! We Love It When People Don’t Believe UsWe really do. It’s such fun when they come back to us with faces glowing in amazement. “It really works!” “I can’t believe how easy this is.” “I wish I’d done this years ago.” These are the things we constantly hear from our clients and it’s why we enjoy what we do so much. Want to get off the willpower wheel? Start by listening to this free audio that will guide you towards a new way of (not) thinking about food: What have you got to lose?Apart from weight, of course!